I still remember it like it was yesterday.
It was like any other Sunday morning.
Same lazy sunshine, same aromas of coffee and economic mee wafted through the window grills.
Only this day i was scared. I was scared to wake up. I was scared to even speak.
It shall be known that on that Sunday i was the quietest I've ever been in my entire life.
The Drama and the tension from the previous night was still reverberating throughout the entire house when i woke up. I remember it was around say 7am?
I walked into the bathroom. Suddenly everything seemed so large. The enclosed space and the stained bathroom tiles seemed alien even thought i knew i had grown up here. The shower was quick. I can still remember with a smile, my aunt Susila banging on the bathroom door.
"Son! you want me to come in and wash your hair for you?"
I wanted her to. I really wanted her to wash my hair the way she always did. I couldn't though. Not today. I had to show her.. show them all that i was a big man. That today i was going to be as reliable as i can no matter what.
"No ma!, i can wash myself!" I yelled back.
"Ok. Come out quick boy. I ironed your suit already. Faster ah da!"
I heard my aunt walk away.
I quickly toweled off and scurried out of the bathroom. I saw the suit on the bed, all ironed to a crisp. It was a nice deep shade of Navy blue. Special, unlike all the other boys in black, i was going to be in blue. I wanted to call out to my cousin sister Shirley to help me into the suit. She was the big sister i always wanted and i absolutely needed her for everything i did in life, but today was different. Today i was all alone. Shirley couldn't help me. She was busy... i guess.
The suit miraculously went on me with ease. I'd only worn it once before and that was a week earlier at the rehearsal dinner. Buy the time i walked out of the room everyone else seemed dressed too. I saw my sister waiting at the front gate. I didn't like her very much but at that moment in time i felt reassured. It would be years later that i realize that this very reassurance is why i love my sister so much.
We all got into this special car. It was a white Mercedes Benz and it had like ribbons tied on the doors and even the front grille. I LOVED cars and this was just a dream come true. I was crammed in the back seat with my aunt, Shirley, my sister and my mother. Shirley was holding on to my hand and sobbing a little. I was confused, she said that it was one of the most happiest moments in her life but yet she was sobbing..
Now i was really scared.
We reached the church by around 10 am. Familiar faces everywhere. I was quickly ushered, along with my sister, to an area where all the other kids my age were. We all had a purpose. My Cousin brother, Anand was there. Anand was Shirley's younger brother and at that time, my hero. He watched over me as the priest and my other cousin, Sharon, Shirley's older sister went on and on about what was about to happen.
Then at 11am the church bell rung out once. It was time.
My Job was simple. Hold the cushion with a ring on it. I waited at the doorway to the church. The Bride and groom walked pass me. Shirley, the beautiful bride blew me a kiss just as she and her father walked in. I was supposed to walk in, leading a procession of flower girls and page boys, all dressed in white and black respectively. The signal was given by one of my relatives. I was scared. I turned into the aisle and started my walk.
"One foot in front of the other. Take your time. One foot in front of the other, take you time." Sharon's voice rang in my head. I was so scared. I just wanted it to end. The ring gleamed in the afternoon sun shining in through the windows. I was so scared. Then the worst happened, i tripped.
The entire procession came to a halt. The kids behind me, including my sister i think were laughing at me. Everybody was looking at me. I was a little young to feel too embarrassed but i was scared to death. I picked myself up. Shirley was looking at me helplessly. She couldn't do anything. I just continued towards her. A few more steps and finally i had reached the alter. Balan, my future cousin-in-law gave me a pat in the shoulder and took the ring from me. In a few more moments, my he and Shirley were married. This was the start of a beautiful and loving marriage.
I was hiding from everyone after that. For 2 whole hours i was lying low. Then one of my cousins told me that Shirley was looking for me. I thought she was going to be angry. I was scared. I reluctantly walked to her holding room in the church. Before i could enter i could hear my mother, my aunt and Shirley talking. Shirley was sobbing again. I could hear a few of the other bridesmaids and Sharon in the room too. I peeped into the room whilst hiding. Everyone was fussing over Shirley. She was apparently sobbing because she was happy. I couldn't understand that at that point in time. Shirley saw me and instantly broke into a huge smile. She beckoned to me and i ran into her embrace. I still remember how ridiculously uncomfortable her wedding dress felt. She hugged me close and told me how proud of me she was. Then she pinched my cheeks and said she was so scared for me when i tripped.
" I told you to walk properly! i told you! gundu kathirikka!! (chubby Brinjol in Tamil)" she said.
She just hugged me and told me that she was proud of me because any other kid would have started to cry instead of getting up and continuing with the ceremony. She told me she didn't want to come towards me because she somehow knew i would get up.
Shirley is now a proud mother of three and her eldest daughter just entered Sec 1 this year.
She NEVER fails to tell those darling kids of hers about that fateful day. Her youngest and only son, Veron never fails to laugh at me... whenever i get to see them that is. (sadly not as much as i would want to)
I was asked recently what the scariest experience of my life was. This is it.
My Cousin Shirley's wedding.
I was 6 years old and i was scared to death.
I still am i guess, whenever i think of that day.
