Hey guys,
I've been up for a fourth day in a row now. I'm clinically insomniac. Its not funny anymore. I just can't sleep. I'm at this point in time so far wired up it feels like the matrix in here. Its honestly surreal.
I look around me. My room. Organized Chaos. I have the bed, piled with everything from my Peter Pan script to some financial reports from work to a half eaten chicken pie. Notes everywhere. Notes on the bed. Notes on the floor. Notes pasted on the walls. Notes with little dots and arrows and sequences: Blocking for my scenes. I have a huge-ass chart that i printed out with the names of all my Peter Pan Crew members and all their current duties.
I have stationary littered all around my keyboard. Designs that I've been sketching for this and for that. Pirate skulls, short swords, a "Jolly Roger" logo under my Speakers. I have, literally, a musical production in its essences piled in my room in an unusual and chaotic manner. See, only by being constantly aware of myself over these past three nights have i realized that this is now my life. I'm doing three maybe four different jobs balancing people who are in turn balancing four or five issues of their own all in one common goal of making Peter Pan fly.
I realized that this is what's keeping me alive!
I write this post as reference. I'll save this post on my computer to remind myself in maybe a year or two, when all the paper in here is gone and its only Junk-food, comics and DVDs on my bed, when i invite my friends over to chill out in my room, when i have nothing to do, of the time that I was given a purpose and of the time when this room was a hive of management and not a lazy 21 year old's crash pad.
Peter Pan, i realized after a conversation with Nicole, is the death of my social life. I feel the pain that Saras felt with Cinderella. Saras mentioned that Praven thought i had "manned up" after Peter Pan started. While normally a 17 year old's perception of "manhood" is the last thing on my mind, i have to admit that Praven might be right in a way. I actually have grown up a little. I look at the world a little differently nowadays. What i want to do is now much less relevant to what i have to do.
One day, when all this is over, i'm, gonna some back to this post and look through it, reading every word and description. I know no matter what i'll be proud of myself. I know that no matter what happens Peter Pan is more that just a Musical to me. Peter Pan is and Idea, a brand new look on life and unlike people and times...
Ideas are immortal.
