Hey guys,
Today's entry's all about men.
Macho men.
Dumb Men.
Specifically 3 dumb fucks I've met throughout my time in NS.
I was reading "The Darwin Awards", a book dedicated to the the brave men and women who have honorably taken their own lives through their own stupid means all for the sake of ensuring that the human gene pool is that much more closer to perfection.
People who glue themselves to elephant buttocks, People who decided to float their toasters in their bath-tub because they are too lazy to walk to the kitchen, People who throw the pin and pocket the grenade and People who rob a police station. These are people who win Darwin Awards.
Now locally, we don't have such prestigious awards, but i do feel that these 3 gentlemen i am to mention should be nominated for a "Darwin".
This is the story of 3 men who have been given a second chance.
Men who have crossed the thin red line we can dumbness and lived to tell the tale.
This is the story of men who live to be...
Macho.
Nominee #1:
Jason.
Jason is one of our Medical staff in camp.
Not very smart guy, just good with needles, that's all.
See, one aspect of being a field medic is that you have to be able to set up an operational medical outpost when in the field. That would include life-saving equipment and generators to power everything. Generators run on diesel.
Now I'm no rocket scientist, but I'm going to go ahead and say that Diesel is FLAMMABLE.
What happened was this.
Some time back, during a field exercise, Jason had successfully managed to set up a Medical Outpost all by himself. This would of course involve him dealing with Generators and in-turn, diesel. You are supposed to wear gloves when you handle diesel.
Here's Jason's opinion on that:
"Fuck la, Its only one jerry can of gas, i can handle la. No need to 'kanchiong' so much".
Needless to say Jason got diesel all over his hands and arms.
Normally, you and I would wash our hands if this happened. See thats why we don't get Darwin awards.
I'm just guessing here, but i think the smell of diesel reminded Jason of cigarettes somehow.
So yeah.
Thats what the Medic did.
He lit a cigarette.
The rest is as they say,
History.
Jason the Medic just came out of a week long MC because of minor burns and inflammation on his arms and face.
He will be advocating the use of alternative fuels from now on.
Nominee #2:
Boon Ping.
Boon Ping's story is actually simple.
Every stupid action has and equal if not MORE stupid reaction.
You should never attempt to move around in a 5 Tonner when it's moving at 50km/h.
Ah Boon did.
Boon Ping while all of us were seated in a tonner had a sudden urge to show off his dancing skills.
This was following a statement that none of us in the company could dance as well as him, which honestly speaking, we can't. A normal guy would say " Thank you" or "Haha, No la!" or something. Boon Ping just HAD to show his gratitude by... well showing off.
See the funny thing about automobiles is that they have really powerful Breaks... you know to stop the vehicle. See thats exactly what happened. The moment Ah Boon started dancing in a moving vehicle, God just had to end it. So what God did was to ask the taxi in-front of our tonner to break without warning. That would trigger a jam-break for the vehicle behind, in this case, our 5 Tonner doing 50 on the PIE.
So when the breaks kicked in...
Ah Boon flew out.
Thankfully, he didn't totally fly out of the tonner. He hit the safety strap and bounced back face first into one of the support beams.
Face-First.
Ah boon now has 3 front teeth missing.
They were last seen on the PIE expressway towards town.
Rumor has it that the teeth planned the whole incident.
Nobody likes to be attached to stupid.
Nominee #3:
Hans
Hans is a simple guy.
A simple, simple minded guy.
Here's a rule for all guys.
Not straddle any sharp object.
Normal guys would come to understand and follow this rule buy the age of say.....3?
Darwin Award winners like Hans, have no rules.
This story is actually very short and sweet.
Hans, "for fun", tried balancing himself on a jackhammer.
Jackhammers have VERY pointy ends.
Hans claims he has no fear of pointy ends.
Thus Hans hoisted himself up a shelf and prepared to jump on a jack hammer just to show us that he could balance well on anything.
Hans Jumped.
Hans Missed.
However, he did managed to get the pointy ends of the jackhammer right between his legs.
Pain and suffering ensued.
Pain mostly.
The damage to his reproductive organs was so bad that an appointment at the A&E department at SGH had to be made.
I have been recently informed that Hans is recovering quit well from his injuries.
However, his ability to reproduce is debatable.
Today's entry's all about men.
Macho men.
Dumb Men.
Specifically 3 dumb fucks I've met throughout my time in NS.
I was reading "The Darwin Awards", a book dedicated to the the brave men and women who have honorably taken their own lives through their own stupid means all for the sake of ensuring that the human gene pool is that much more closer to perfection.
People who glue themselves to elephant buttocks, People who decided to float their toasters in their bath-tub because they are too lazy to walk to the kitchen, People who throw the pin and pocket the grenade and People who rob a police station. These are people who win Darwin Awards.
Now locally, we don't have such prestigious awards, but i do feel that these 3 gentlemen i am to mention should be nominated for a "Darwin".
This is the story of 3 men who have been given a second chance.
Men who have crossed the thin red line we can dumbness and lived to tell the tale.
This is the story of men who live to be...
Macho.
Nominee #1:
Jason.
Jason is one of our Medical staff in camp.
Not very smart guy, just good with needles, that's all.
See, one aspect of being a field medic is that you have to be able to set up an operational medical outpost when in the field. That would include life-saving equipment and generators to power everything. Generators run on diesel.
Now I'm no rocket scientist, but I'm going to go ahead and say that Diesel is FLAMMABLE.
What happened was this.
Some time back, during a field exercise, Jason had successfully managed to set up a Medical Outpost all by himself. This would of course involve him dealing with Generators and in-turn, diesel. You are supposed to wear gloves when you handle diesel.
Here's Jason's opinion on that:
"Fuck la, Its only one jerry can of gas, i can handle la. No need to 'kanchiong' so much".
Needless to say Jason got diesel all over his hands and arms.
Normally, you and I would wash our hands if this happened. See thats why we don't get Darwin awards.
I'm just guessing here, but i think the smell of diesel reminded Jason of cigarettes somehow.
So yeah.
Thats what the Medic did.
He lit a cigarette.
The rest is as they say,
History.
Jason the Medic just came out of a week long MC because of minor burns and inflammation on his arms and face.
He will be advocating the use of alternative fuels from now on.
Nominee #2:
Boon Ping.
Boon Ping's story is actually simple.
Every stupid action has and equal if not MORE stupid reaction.
You should never attempt to move around in a 5 Tonner when it's moving at 50km/h.
Ah Boon did.
Boon Ping while all of us were seated in a tonner had a sudden urge to show off his dancing skills.
This was following a statement that none of us in the company could dance as well as him, which honestly speaking, we can't. A normal guy would say " Thank you" or "Haha, No la!" or something. Boon Ping just HAD to show his gratitude by... well showing off.
See the funny thing about automobiles is that they have really powerful Breaks... you know to stop the vehicle. See thats exactly what happened. The moment Ah Boon started dancing in a moving vehicle, God just had to end it. So what God did was to ask the taxi in-front of our tonner to break without warning. That would trigger a jam-break for the vehicle behind, in this case, our 5 Tonner doing 50 on the PIE.
So when the breaks kicked in...
Ah Boon flew out.
Thankfully, he didn't totally fly out of the tonner. He hit the safety strap and bounced back face first into one of the support beams.
Face-First.
Ah boon now has 3 front teeth missing.
They were last seen on the PIE expressway towards town.
Rumor has it that the teeth planned the whole incident.
Nobody likes to be attached to stupid.
Nominee #3:
Hans
Hans is a simple guy.
A simple, simple minded guy.
Here's a rule for all guys.
Not straddle any sharp object.
Normal guys would come to understand and follow this rule buy the age of say.....3?
Darwin Award winners like Hans, have no rules.
This story is actually very short and sweet.
Hans, "for fun", tried balancing himself on a jackhammer.
Jackhammers have VERY pointy ends.
Hans claims he has no fear of pointy ends.
Thus Hans hoisted himself up a shelf and prepared to jump on a jack hammer just to show us that he could balance well on anything.
Hans Jumped.
Hans Missed.
However, he did managed to get the pointy ends of the jackhammer right between his legs.
Pain and suffering ensued.
Pain mostly.
The damage to his reproductive organs was so bad that an appointment at the A&E department at SGH had to be made.
I have been recently informed that Hans is recovering quit well from his injuries.
However, his ability to reproduce is debatable.
What i have mentioned above are all based on real-life events.
Names have been changed...a little... to protect the privacy of the friends' of tour stupid heros.
Testosterone is vital for man's reproduction and constant survival. It is believed to be the key hormone that had promoted evolution and the ultimate advancement of our species. Through the Darwin Awards we can clearly see that by killing off the stupid people in our species, testosterone is once again preserving mankind and all that we hold dear.
